I'd
always loved dreaming about that one day when I'd fall in love with
this beautiful girl. I have no idea why I wanted to fall in love so
badly. I was always excited about it and when I watched movies I saw how
every time the love story would have a happy ending. Only recently, I
found out that, like Taylor Swift says, life isn't a fairy tale. I don't
think it was an infatuation but only time will tell me whether what I
felt for that girl was an infatuation or true love. Whatever it was, I
enjoyed it initially. I'm sure it was the first time I felt about anyone
ever. The weird feeling of always feeling excited about talking to her,
the way your heart beats when she tells you something personal that you
have to take to your grave, they're just.. So good.
What
I was expecting out of those feelings, I don't know but it didn't end
well. I waited a long time before I told her that I had feelings for her
only to find out that she wasn't ready to love a specific someone. I
guess it was because of her ex, a great guy, fantastic boyfriend but
their relationship somehow ended. When I confessed to her, I wanted it
to be face to face and it was face to face, not worrying about whether
her friends were listening or not I went straight to her, spoke about
random stuff, looked at the one and only picture I had with her. I was
not asking her out so there was no scope of rejection but I did want to
know if she ever felt the same way about me, it was still so scary. She
was really honored, she said, when she found out how much I liked her
but I didn't think I'd every get to talk to her again. I thought that
was the end of any relationship between us. At that moment, all that I
could think of was those chats and discussions we'd had- those long
night chats, all day long discussions about some random topic.. she
always has such amazing points every time no matter what the topic was.
She'd help me when I needed help and was one of the few people who
would feel what I'm feeling. Those I thought I'd never have again but I
wanted that so bad, I didn't wanna quit so easily. I couldn't accept
that I'd have to live like this just suddenly not talking to one of my
most favorite people. I couldn't quit, not yet, not without trying
harder, not unless I really had to but at the same time I didn't wanna
seem desperate. So, I tried talking to her everyday as if nothing
happened, like it was all still the same. It was weird and very, very
painful talking to her but she was actually calm and she was completely
like before. She still smiled, gave me all the time in the world when I
spoke to her. What's weird is that the day after I confessed to her, she
was the one who came to me and spoke to me not mentioning anything that
had happened. Just a friend to friend conversation. I apologized to her
for falling in love with her a number of times and she'd just say "shit
happens" or "its not your fault".
Thing
is, we're still great friends. Its been a few months but if it weren't
for her and if I'd felt this way about some other girl, things would've
been so different, I'd have lost such a good friend. I'm so glad it was
her. Maybe it was this attitude or personality that I fell in love with
in the first place. Do I still like her? Yep. I like her loads. Do I
still have those feelings for her? Well. Saying I don't know will
probably piss you off but if I said anything else, I'd be lying. This
was still a pretty happy ending right? Nope, the story hasn't ended. Its
never the end till the ending is the happiest ending. At least I hope
so.